Magmachilli's Guide To Getting A Girlfriend. For Nerds, Geeks and other Social Anomalies.

Sick of seeing all your peers being in relationship after relationship while you're all alone? Tired of having your Mom bug you on getting a girlfriend? Feeling alone at nights? Wishing you could order dishes for 2 in fancy restaurants? Yes? Then read on!

1. Grow up!
Women need to know that you're capable of being a Man, and therefore being able to fulfill that which is required of a boyfriend. So if you're to give your girlfriend a sense of security, it's time you give up on the things you cherish such as your Comic Book collection or your your whole box of Baseball Cards. That way the girl will know that you're committed (Hell yeah you're committed. I know it's not easy...) and she'll appreciate you more if you do because she now feels that she can depend on you.

2. Suit up!
In the words of the great man Barney Stinson, it's time to suit up! No longer can you wear your favourite Batman shirt. Never again can you profess your passion for George Lucas's awesome Star Wars series on your clothes. It's time to wear big people clothes, time to shop in places like Banana Republic and other preppy places where the cool kids shop, just so that the jocks in Abercrombie and Fitch won't be pulling wedgies on you. Be ready to fork up a substantial amount of cash, but hopefully you won't have a problem as you've got some money from your sale of your prized possessions (Don't cry. Delight in the fact that you're on your way to getting a girlfriend while the person you sold your stuff to is probably going to be alone for the rest of his miserable life. Happy now? You're allowed to laugh. LAUGH!) And the most important thing, don't pull your pants up too high. Never!

3. Clean up!
Time to get a fashionable haircut so that you look less of a caveman. And no, looking like Spock is not allowed. He might be the total ladies man, but he's definitely not hooking up with any female Earthlings tonight, unless they're ugly fat pimply Trekkies, and you deserve better than that! If in doubt of the hairstyle, just leave it to the hair stylist. They're the professionals.

It's probably a good idea to get a shave and maybe start wearing deodorant. Maybe cologne if you're daring. Don't ask me why. I know beards are cool, but not all the ladies dig it. You can grow it back if you're lucky enough to get a girlfriend who thinks that beards are cool too.

It's also a good idea to get either get contact lenses or get new frames. Horn rimmed glasses are apparently the in-thing now, which is a good thing since they're not that different from what we wear. If you're a person who hates choosing and making decisions, just get contacts, though wearing them will take a little getting used to.

4. Read up!
When I say read, I'm not asking you to read the latest works of Margeret Weis and Tracy Hickman. It's time to culture yourself. Books that you should read, of course are the books on relationships. Kirk never did anything without preparation, and neither should you. Currently the book Twilight by Stephanie Meyer has recently gained much popularity due to the movie made based on the book. Read this if you're in the age range of 15-25. Other books that you should read are the works of Jane Austen, since her works are appreciated by most females, and reading them would allow you to strike witty conversations with members of the opposite sex. Also keep up to date with current issues, giving yourself a more sophisiticated image, and also showing that you're very much in touch with the world and are aware of the things that affect us. And while you're at it, maybe it's time to pick up the lastest issue of Men's Health. The ladies like a man with a good body (You'd also have to do the things that are suggested in the magazine. Reading alone won't give you the body of Superman.)

5. Gym up!
Like previously mentioned, ladies like a man with a good body. So it's time to start working the muscles! And no, thumb muscles gained through hours of gaming doesn't cut it. Depending on the image that you're going for, do some research on how to go about achieving that type of body. Going to a gym is recommended as they would provide the services of a personal trainer, who would be able to guide you through your gym routine. If you would prefer to train without assistance, the internet as well as a wide range of literature will be a very helpful resource.

And if you already spent all your money getting Left4Dead for XBOX360, you could just stick a pole in two CRT monitors lying in your garage for your bench pressing. No one's using them anyway. And True Black is overrated. For dumbells, just use pumpernickle bread. They're hard and heavy. You'd probably need 6 blocks.

Conclusion
With these 5 steps, you're just getting started. These steps are just to get you on your way. The rest is up to you, in how you present yourself and how you make people notice your presence. In the end, it's all about confidence, and hopefully these 5 steps have managed to give you a significant boost in that respect.

Thank you for reading and all the best in your endevours, whatever they might be. God bless.

* Disclaimer: No historical data can be found regarding the effectiveness of this guide. Use at own risk. Reading this, you acknowledge the fact that you will not hold the author accountable in any way regarding the outcome of this guide.

I hope you found this a fun read. If not, fail.