Initially I did not intend to check my results until I got back to Canberra, where I can sit down with a beer in front of my com and brace myself for what is to come.
The results aren't just results. They are an indication of what is to come. They are but the beginning of what would be defined as the rest of my life. And that is scary.
That said, in the end I did. They were okay. Not THAT bad, though I probably could have done better, but I'm thankful that God saw me through. Everything I have, I credit to God. By my own strength, I can but achieve nothing. To those who go by without depending on God, good on you I guess, but I know it is impossible for me.
Anyway enough of the Christian rant. There's probably more to come anyway.
The future seems so uncertain. Graduating with a Actuarial and Finance degree, I must say that I'm not stoked about getting a job. What are my future prospects? A job in an Insurance firm? While I do see the merit of insurance because of the law of large numbers, the industry itself feels too much of a con job. Finance? Feels too much like betting to me ( I know I know it isn't. But I'm the type of person who would rather much invest in a physical asset rather than a piece of paper. In saying that I probably missing the point of finance or generalising. But whatever.) And the corporate world, just seems to much of a monster. A beast whose birth is from the greed and evil of humans as a collective. And me, an anti conformist at heart, how can I live with myself being just another gear that helps turns the hands of such a beast, or the oil that lubricates the wheels of this beast, helping it move forward and grow bigger. Gah. I probably couldn't look at myself in the mirror without hating myself.
And in saying that, I really feel jealous about those people who seem to have it just right with their life, getting the grades that they need (and I'm sure they deserve them), know where their life is headed, have certainty in what the future entails, and looking forward to it. Lucky buggers.
At the end of this post, I'm sure you'd come to the conclusion that I am some spoilt brat who just hasn't grown up, hasn't awoken to the realities of this world, and has to let go of his ideals and just do what it takes to feed myself and put food on my imaginary table to feed my future imaginary family ( There'll be a table and seated are a bunch of stuffed teddy bears. *shudder* I hope I don't become like them freaks who talk to toys and other inanimate objects)
But here I say this: I don't intend to live a life which just fulfills the expectations of the world, or meets the needs of my life. I think it is more worthwhile to live for something bigger, something greater, something of more value and meaning. *Christian-y alert* Turn away if you don't like religious talk. You've been warned. Now that's what being a Christian is about. In realisation of what God and Jesus has done for you, to live a life that reflects God's love. A life that is not lived for self, but in thankfulness and recognition, a life that is for God's will and his people. A life that is not my own, but His now. That is what being a Christian should be. It may sound lofty, unrealistic, and even unattainable, but that is what I shall resolve to do.
Living for Him and His purposes, constantly seeking to do everything for His glory.
Now I wonder, and probably can conclude that I probably failed to do just that through out my undergrad degree.
Let's hope I can do that from now. Whatever that means...
Driving
10 years ago
