Post- Results Reflections

Initially I did not intend to check my results until I got back to Canberra, where I can sit down with a beer in front of my com and brace myself for what is to come.

The results aren't just results. They are an indication of what is to come. They are but the beginning of what would be defined as the rest of my life. And that is scary.

That said, in the end I did. They were okay. Not THAT bad, though I probably could have done better, but I'm thankful that God saw me through. Everything I have, I credit to God. By my own strength, I can but achieve nothing. To those who go by without depending on God, good on you I guess, but I know it is impossible for me.

Anyway enough of the Christian rant. There's probably more to come anyway.

The future seems so uncertain. Graduating with a Actuarial and Finance degree, I must say that I'm not stoked about getting a job. What are my future prospects? A job in an Insurance firm? While I do see the merit of insurance because of the law of large numbers, the industry itself feels too much of a con job. Finance? Feels too much like betting to me ( I know I know it isn't. But I'm the type of person who would rather much invest in a physical asset rather than a piece of paper. In saying that I probably missing the point of finance or generalising. But whatever.) And the corporate world, just seems to much of a monster. A beast whose birth is from the greed and evil of humans as a collective. And me, an anti conformist at heart, how can I live with myself being just another gear that helps turns the hands of such a beast, or the oil that lubricates the wheels of this beast, helping it move forward and grow bigger. Gah. I probably couldn't look at myself in the mirror without hating myself.

And in saying that, I really feel jealous about those people who seem to have it just right with their life, getting the grades that they need (and I'm sure they deserve them), know where their life is headed, have certainty in what the future entails, and looking forward to it. Lucky buggers.

At the end of this post, I'm sure you'd come to the conclusion that I am some spoilt brat who just hasn't grown up, hasn't awoken to the realities of this world, and has to let go of his ideals and just do what it takes to feed myself and put food on my imaginary table to feed my future imaginary family ( There'll be a table and seated are a bunch of stuffed teddy bears. *shudder* I hope I don't become like them freaks who talk to toys and other inanimate objects)

But here I say this: I don't intend to live a life which just fulfills the expectations of the world, or meets the needs of my life. I think it is more worthwhile to live for something bigger, something greater, something of more value and meaning. *Christian-y alert* Turn away if you don't like religious talk. You've been warned. Now that's what being a Christian is about. In realisation of what God and Jesus has done for you, to live a life that reflects God's love. A life that is not lived for self, but in thankfulness and recognition, a life that is for God's will and his people. A life that is not my own, but His now. That is what being a Christian should be. It may sound lofty, unrealistic, and even unattainable, but that is what I shall resolve to do.

Living for Him and His purposes, constantly seeking to do everything for His glory.

Now I wonder, and probably can conclude that I probably failed to do just that through out my undergrad degree.

Let's hope I can do that from now. Whatever that means...

Things to consider

1. What should I do next year?
2. Should I take a year off?
3. Do I want to do a Masters Of Finance, and where do I want to do it?
4. Do I want to do a Juris Doctor, and where do I want to do it?
5. Should I reconsider Actuarial? (Actually I rather not. I'm not good at it, and I find it boring.)
6. Should I be a bum.
7. Work?

Something's really wrong with me. I hate talking on the phone, especially to strangers. I usually choke up. that's why I usually plan out what i want to say. Weird eh? Like today I called this place and they told me they don't do delivery to the general public and I asked if they would do it for a fee, and the lady didn't get me. Took me like 2-3 tries, rephrasing my sentence before she got it. And half the time, I could hear what she was saying too. Why can't they make voice communication better, clearer, more effective? So yeah, talking over the phone isn't exactly my favourite thing to do. But actually I just think it's only in Australia. I feel like they'll judge me over the phone.

Imagine this. Heard of the Advanced Medical Institute (AMI)? It's the ad on TV about ED, the one where they play the piano. Well imagine what those people who work as telemarketers for their hotlines, wonder what they could be talking about once the phones are put down. Or what goes through their mind when they're talking with the patients.

*Halfway in the conversation*

AMI telemarketer: "So can you describe your situation, sir?"

You: "I can't satisfy my partner. I can only last for 1 minute in bed."

AMI telemarketer: "What the f***? Hahahahaha a 13 year old pre pubescent kid could do better than you. You should just kill yourself! Do your girlfriend a favour and buy her a dildo or something! Hahahaha ROFL"

You: *puts gun in mouth and blows brains out* BAMM

AMI telemarketer: "What was that loud noise, sir? Hello? Hello? Anybody there? Damn that SOB had the nerve to put down the phone on me." *continues doing nails*

Ok that was a little crude, and not funny at all. My attempt at Chris Rock dirty humor failed.

And I feel this innate need to speak with an accent with white people, and the worst part is that I can't do it right. Sometimes I annoy myself so bad. And that's bad, because I have very little tolerance for people who annoy me. Gahh. What's wrong with me?

Jo vs STAT 1031 Assignment 2

I just finished my Introduction to Actuarial Studies Excel Assignment, and let me tell you, it was so so frustrating. I think my words alone might not be able to justify the intense emotions of hate and irritation I had for the assignment. Imagine running a bloody macro (no idea what i means? click here!) and having to wait 5 bloody minutes? Excel is not responding and my com is lagging like a bunch of seniors on the road. And once the macro is finished loading, I notice an error in my data and I have to go through the data and correct them and run the macro again. And VBA is so retarded. Not all Excel functions can be used on VBA it seems. A simple function like Ln cannot be used in VBA. But that's not really the problem as using Log instead would solve it. What got me worked up was the fact that I didn't know that the Ln function couldn't be used in VBA and I had to spend more than an hour trying to figure out what was wrong with my code. And did I mention that I'm using a 4 year old IBM Thinkpad? Not exactly powerful... But what I'm really bummed out about is that this is just a basic assignment but it's already quite annoying. In total 35000 simulations were runned but still I don't think it should take 5 long tormenting minutes to process it right?

You know what? I think you didn't really understand what i typed above, so let me summarise it for you. Actuarial studies sucks. (Well not really but I think it's fun to be a whinger...)

Head on Pillow = Not Happening...

It's 6.45am according to my laptop and I just finished my Stat2001 Assignment. Not a wink of sleep. Can't go to sleep now cause i have a tutorial at 10.00am and I'm worried I won't be able to wake up by 12.00 noon to hand in the assignment...

Feelings? Good cause I finally didn't sleep for once! What an experience. I'm also relieved that I've finally finished the bloody assignment. I would like to thank Milo and cheap Aldi Chewing Gum for making it possible for me to stay awake. I would also like to thank my friends for allowing me to look at their solutions so that I finally have a bloody idea as to how to answer the questions.

Maybe now I should prepare for my tutorial. LIKE HELL NO.... I'll go treat me self to a nice Starbucks Ice Blended Caramel drink thingy... Maybe?

Wonder how long I'll last....

1リットルの涙

How many times have we given up? Isn't it sad we find it so easy to say it's hopeless? Be it pursues in life or love, when faced with a obstacle, all we do is complain and lose sight of our goals, wallowing in self pity and despair...

But there's are people who aren't like everyone else. One of them was Kitou Aya. Despite being told that there was no cure for her disease and slowly she'd lose function of her body, in the end she still lived a life that was full of hope and joy. President Roosevelt contracted polio and yet he still ran and was elected as the President of the United States of America and served his country. There are many other great individuals who were brought down by problems in life and yet they were still able to get back up on their two feet, well not literally, but they were still able to live a meaningful and inspiring life, and I can't help but think, if they can do it, why can't we?

Humans are actually known to be an versatile species, being able to quickly adapt to the changes in the environment it is in. Yet in reality, humans probably are the weakest species emotionally (probably due to the fact that humans are the only species with emotions). Our emotions and feelings influence our lives in many ways, too many for some of us. If we were to stay positive and happy, we'd be able to live life to the fullest. But if we were to look around us and see only misery and hopelessness, how then would we be able to have a positive outlook in life? I'm not sure if I'd be one who has the right to tell you about it, but this probably is the whole idea behind the Oprah Book of the Month, "The Secret".

To be honest, I'm still not sure what I'm typing about. I just am trying to express my thoughts and emotions after watching 1 Litre of Tears, but I'm probably not doing such a great job. I really enjoyed that show and was extremely touched, to the extent where I even cried, which is something I'm not very comfortable with... But after watching that show, I'm determined to live life like there's no tomorrow, to live day by day without regret. I guess it's something that is easier said than done, but I really hope that I can live like that. Without despair, without regret, without remorse, without 绝望.

1 Litre of Tears is a really great series. I'm not too sure about the accuracy about the dorama compared to the actual events. But regardless, highly recommended! Hmmm I should get my hands on the actual diary too!

Is it me or is she cute? Lolz ;p

Sorry but I feel this post is a little short. Sigh...

Aiya yai yai yai....

Was watching Power Ranger SPD. Man, reminds me of the days of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. It was really fun watching that show. Was it aired on Saturday at 6.00pm? I also remember that I missed the show for a few months I think because i had to go for Taekwondo. And the MMPR Movie was awesome. Watched it for like countless of times! I think I still have the cetak rompak VCR tape somewhere ( And to think that there was a time when there were cetak rompak tapes. Hell, to think that there was a time when people actually used those things. Then again, these tapes are still used and sold in Australia, and I would say it's safe to assume that a large proportion of the human population still use them.) The Green/ White Ranger was always so cool! Tommy was always the coolest. With that armor like thingy on him, it probably gave him some type of aura or something. But it did make him stand out! Made all the kids like him. It probably is like why Kevin from the Daria Series always wears his football uniform to hide his scrawny and weak body. Oh well, bottom line is it made him cool! And his ponytail was cool too! I wonder if I would have considered getting a ponytail at the age of 7 if it wasn't school regulation to have short hair? And maybe Tommy's ponytail is why I want to experience at least once in my life what it's like to have a ponytail. Or at least long hair, and maybe a goatie. This proves the influence of Power Rangers on people's lives! Or maybe I'm just weird.

I just thought of something. Tommy wasn't always the leader. Jason was. Man, it must have sucked big time for Jason. Just think about it, the tension and the anger that was kept in Jason's heart, drove him mad and led him to betray the Rangers. I think that would have made a great episode.

Another part of the Power Rangers that has to be the awesome-st (wonder if this word exist) is the Zords! No episode of the Power Rangers is complete without the kick-ass robots! In the mind of a 8 year old, robots are always the coolest! And violence too! Robots + Violence= Anything A Kid Would Hope For In The World. And i like the fact that there were so many of them! And the fact that i always lost track of them. My dad bought me like the first set and it was rad! It was like a dream come true! Man, my daddy loves me. I loved it so much that I kept it and played with it until it kinda fell apart. And if memory serves me right, my sister hated me so much, so much so that she gnawed my Megazord Sword till it's hilt was deformed. Don't think i can ever forgive her. Speaking of the sword, many people complain that Power Rangers is stupid. Why didn't he just finish of the enemy from the start with that sword? And people also complain that watching Power Rangers is pointless. It always has the same ending! Well, I didn't give a shit then and a don't give a shit now either. Damn, these type of buggers really don't know how to enjoy life. And it's not like Korean Dramas or Hollywood Movies are soooooo unpredictable... Dude, just enjoy the fcuking show. Period.

Sometimes I think it's time to grow up, never to watch Power Rangers or even any cartoons. My dad keeps saying that I shouldn't watch cartoons anymore. But man it's hard, like a drug. I'm hooked for life! Maybe I'll forever remain childish. Notice the child-like writing style, and the immature views that I have, and the limited vocabulary? Point proven. I guess the Power Rangers are some part in my life that i can never get rid of. It's probably normal for people to hold on to the past. What reason would they have to (other than the obvious ones), even if we lose everything in this world, one of the things that nobody can rob us of is our memories. So you have your soppy love stories, I have Power Rangers...